Blog

The Woman Behind, ‘Beyond the Light’

“…No matter how far beyond your current range of sight, there is ALWAYS a light! It was this very revelation that inspired the name of, ‘Beyond the Light,’ and said revelation is what ultimately ignited its creation in the first place….” 

beyond-the-light.com

Facebook Page

Twitter Page

Tumblr Page

YouTube Channel

Autibiography
6th Annual Ladies’ Symposium, 2018, Queens on the Move/ Two-Lifestyles, Inc.

cropped-logo-22.png

blog2
Heather Myers with daughter, Rose Riker

Dear readers, today I was requested by a dear friend of mine, CEO La Toyia Conway-Hampton, Founder of Two-Lifestyles, Inc., to write an article dedicated to why I created, ‘Beyond the Light.’ I am deeply honored for the request, and am delighted for the opportunity to share my journey with the Domestic Violence Community. For those that are new to, ‘Beyond the Light,’ my name is, Heather Myers, but you may refer to me as, Feather; I bid thee welcome!

My journey that lead me to meet the team of Two-Lifestyles, Inc. and ultimately to create, ‘Beyond the Light,’ has been a humbling one.  I remember my early childhood days, the horrendous beatings my sweet mother endured, and how she slaved away working to pay for my father to attend law school. I recall the countless nights she would wait for him to return home to us, and how she would retire for the evening in a cold empty bed in solitude. I remember the look of sheer betrayal in her eyes when she answered the phone one day, only to realize it was one of my father’s numerous girlfriends on the line. I remember the many attempts we made to leave the house after his drunken rages. I remember begging my mother at the tender age of three not to take Father back when he wept, that he would only repeat his actions. I remember each time my mother granted my father one last chance, and how said chances always turned into several dozen. I remember the night I was violated, the night I was forever changed. I remember the day Father’s wrath was finally directed at me also. Oh, how I remember still.

Growing up, I held such resentment towards my mother. I was angry at her for failing to protect me. I was angry at her for not leaving my tyrant of a father those countless times I begged her. I was angry at her for loving my father still, despite her knowledge of the deeds he dealt me. Most importantly, I was angry at her for never being the mother I so desperately needed her to be. Many an occasion I felt as though she chose my father over me, and to this very day, I honestly know not as to what the extent of her love for me actually is.

As a child, I never believed I was loved, never felt wanted, nor needed by anyone. I was a problematic child, experiencing emotional outbursts often, due to the trauma I endured for so long. Consequently, I was bestowed numerous psychological diagnoses throughout my childhood, and my many psychiatrists experienced great difficulty settling on any one diagnosis in particular.  My sister on the other hand, was always well behaved; she was highly favorable, whereas I was unfavorable. How I, too wished to be favorable, to feel lovable. My mother most certainly loved me, yet, despite her best efforts, said love was not able to reach me. There was a deep void in my soul that I desperately longed to be filled. Said void ultimately set the stage for history to repeat itself, and for the cycle of domestic violence to continue into my generation.

I had always sworn that I would never permit myself to be in the same situation my mother had been in during my early childhood. I remember boldly declaring to her that I would never repeat her mistakes, that I would never be like her. If only I knew how wrong I was. I now deeply regret those statements I threw her way, for I now know just how painful they must have been. Surely my words were daggers twisting into old wounds that never quite healed. If only I could take them back.

I met the man that was to be my abuser in the year of 2008, at a Christmas party. He was exceedingly charming, and had the ability to make you feel as if you were the only one present in the room with him. He displayed such a sweet disposition, and had a certain charisma about him, making me feel as if, for the first time in my life, I might actually be wanted by someone. All my life I had yearned for a sense of belonging. I had never truly felt as if I belonged anywhere, and that innermost desire to feel accepted led me to make a devastating mistake, the very same mistake I had vowed I would never make.

Looking back, there were so many red flags present at the very beginning of our relationship. Within a mere week of meeting him, he asked me to become his girlfriend, to whom I foolishly agreed, despite it feeling rushed. Only one month thereafter, he asked me for my hand in marriage. Again, I foolishly agreed; at this point I was feeling almost as if I was suffocating. Everything was moving fast, so very fast, much too fast! Yet, I chose to dismiss this fact.

For the first time in my life I felt wanted, needed, loved, cherished, and important. Thus, I willingly placed a veil over my eyes, choosing to ignore the alarm bells ringing in my subconscious. Each passing day, I was slowly loosing myself. His goals became my goals. His dreams became my dreams. My income was relinquished to be controlled by him. My gifts and talents were used solely for his agenda. Day in and day out, I watched as I lost what little freedoms I had left, until I no longer even had a voice.

My abuser began to degrade, and belittle me, claiming that no one else would ever love me. He knew all of my innermost secrets, all of my insecurities and weaknesses; by verbal means, he was destroying my very soul. Nothing could ever please him, despite my best efforts. I was constantly walking on eggshells, just wishing to keep the peace. The verbal abuse continued all throughout the pregnancy, and birth of my beloved daughter. It wasn’t until my little one was eight months of age that my abuser first struck me.

That fateful morning, my abuser had instructed me to finish writing an essay he had started, and asked me to submit it to his college professor by school email while he went on an outing with his friends. I did as requested, submitting the finished product to his professor by email using the college website as he had instructed. When he arrived home later that evening, however, he was exceedingly fretful that the document didn’t send properly. I attempted to calm him, assuring him that everything was taken care of; that’s when he first struck me, the object of choice utilized to administer said strike being a frying pan.

I was in shock, completely bewildered at what had just occurred. It almost didn’t seem real, as if I was dreaming. I just couldn’t believe it. My distraught abuser then threatened to commit suicide if I was to leave him. He displayed such extreme sorrow for his actions, and I dearly wished to believe in his promises. All I could think about was my baby girl, how she needed her father. I never wanted my little one to grow up in a broken home, and I never wished to subject her to the same environment I had experienced as a child; yet, that is exactly what I did!

Again, second chances became third, fourth, fifth, and so on. I had vowed to never repeat my mother’s mistakes, yet here I was. I never before realized just how domestic violence ensnares its victims, how it ensnared my mother; I was in shackles, not just on a physical level, but emotionally. As the violence continued, each battering episode increased in intensity. It wasn’t until my abuser’s wrath was finally aimed at my sweet daughter that I finally left; I have never looked back.

I am so grateful God did not permit my abuser to succeed in harming my daughter, that he was not allowed to follow through with his plan. As I shielded my daughter with my own body, my abuser wrapped his hands around my neck, and the world around me grew dark. I prayed a silent prayer, repeating it over and over again like a mantra, “Please, don’t let him harm her!” Just when I thought I was going to pass out, I was released. I fled with my daughter in a desperate attempt to move her to safety that very afternoon, something I should had done long before.

I discovered Two-Lifestyles, Inc. from a pamphlet I received whilst in the Forensic Services Unit of Antelope Valley Hospital. When I first enrolled in 2015, I was completely lost.  I had left my abuser a week prior, and was raw from the searing pain of my daughter’s removal with the involvement of DCFS.  I was heartbroken and distraught.  I felt as if I was drowning, my world engulfed in a sea of darkness. Yet, amidst this very darkness, there was a light.

It was at orientation that I met a beautiful woman that would forever change my life, my dear friend and mentor, La Toyia Conway-Hampton.  The first thing I took note of was the warm, comforting aura in which she exhibits.  I felt safe, akin to returning home after venturing on a prolonged voyage.  She was so inviting, and I was inspired upon revelation that, she herself, is also a survivor of Domestic Violence.  With the loving assistance of her guiding light, and the vital tools I obtained through attending her program, I was able to finally get acquainted with my true self properly, breaking the faulty beliefs that I had long held that led me to my abuser.

Two-Lifestyles, Inc. taught me that there is a light beyond this dark tunnel that all survivors travel… No matter how far beyond your current range of sight, there is ALWAYS a light!  It was this very revelation that inspired the name of, ‘Beyond the Light,’ and said revelation is what ultimately ignited its creation in the first place.  I encourage each and every one of you to push forward.  Forfeit not your battle! It is pitch black, and you cannot even distinguish the palm of your hand before your face… I understand full heartedly, for I have traveled that very tunnel.  No matter how implausible your circumstance appears today, I promise you, there IS a light!  You shall persevere, and you shall conquer! Let us break the shackles together… Let us be silent no more!


Facebook link:  https://www.facebook.com/TheFeather1985

Twitter Link:  https://twitter.com/BeyondTheLight6

Tumblr Link:  https://thebeyondthelightblog.tumblr.com/

YouTube Link:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNfRGjrGrimPnRyMrGg332g

 


Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence


 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Giving Tuesday/ Ashley’s Safe House Fund/ Two-Lifestyles, Inc.

Two-Lifestyles, Inc

Ashley’s Safe House Fund

A.S.H.F.
“Ashley, your memory continues to live on within the hearts of those you have touched with your life. Never forgotten, you are our driving inspiration behind our vision to build a place of refuge, to provide a safe haven for so many that are still in shackles. In honor of you, we aspire to build Ashley’s Safe House.” 3/25/2015

 

Dear readers, on behalf of my mentor, La Toyia  Conway Hampton, CEO at Two-Lifestyles, Inc., I invite and encourage you to support our Ashley’s Safe House Fund this year’s Giving Tuesday. The project is dedicated to a beloved young lady that is very dear to the heart of the Two-Lifestyles team, Ashley Glick, our fallen butterfly.  Ashley is fondly remembered for her gentle nature, her immense courage, and her zealous pursuit in her endeavor to escape her abuser.  It is with great sorrow that this aspiring young lady’s life was tragically cut short.

Ashley, like so many victims of Domestic Violence, ultimately stayed with her abuser, because she had nowhere else to go. Statistics show that one in four women suffer domestic abuse within their lifetime. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, income, age and religious back ground. It could be your sister, your brother, your neighbor, a teacher, a coworker… One in four women… One in seven men… Please, help my mentor, and dear friend’s vision become a reality! Help us to provide a place of refuge, a safe haven for those that are still in shackles that are seeking escape. Be a contributor to the construction of Ashley’s Safe House! All donations for the cause are deeply appreciated!

The two Lifestyles agency is located at 1224 E. Avenue S Ste. C Palmdale, California 93550. To contribute to Giving Tuesday Ashley’s Safe House Fund, please contact my mentor, La Toyia by email at latoyia@twolifestyles.com, or call her at 661-402-3076 ext 111.  You can also donate to Ashley’s Safe House Fund directly by clicking the link below.


https://www.twolifestyles.com/ashley-s-safe-house-fund.html


Beyond the Light’s Facebook Page

Beyond the Light’s Twitter Page

Beyond the Light Tumblr Page

Beyond the Light YouTube Channel

 

Domestic Violence Survivor Discusses Removing Labels

Beyond the Light YouTube Channel

Original Video

Beyond the Light Facebook Page

Beyond the Light Twitter Page

Beyond the Light Tumblr Page

This Saturday, on October 27th, I was graced with the honor of sharing my story with so many beautiful and courageous fellow survivors at this year’s Two-Lifestyles Inc. Ladies’ Symposium, Queens on the Move. Thank you so much to all of you for having me!

Dear Readers, I am Back

Dear readers, I am finally back.  Things have been a tad chaotic as of late, to say the least. I recently moved into a new house.  It is a beautiful house, and I have so much to be thankful for.  The move is bitter sweet, however, as I had to put my sweet senior cat, Momo to sleep in the midst of the move, due to organ failure.  I shall be writing a blog post dedicated to my dearly departed feline friend in the near future to celebrate her life.  She gave me ten wonderful years!  She was the most loving little cat I have ever seen.  All she ever did was love.  She is deeply missed.

After a three year long custody battle, I am delighted to say that my little one is finally safe, and home to stay!  Three long, grueling years!  I am ecstatic!  I deeply apologize for my recent absence.  I am happy to be back, and look forward to catching up with all of you later this evening.  Sending much love your way, dear friends!

Calling All Domestic Violence Survivors to Unite!

Image Source

Dear readers, on behalf of my mentors, and dear friends at Two-Lifestyles, Inc., I invite you to join us for this year’s 3rd Annual D*ASH walk on APRIL 14th, 2018 in Palmdale, CA.  This event is named after two special ladies who are very dear to the heart of the Two-Lifestyles team, the ‘D’ representing Denise Battey, and ‘ASH’ representing Ashley Glick, our fallen butterfly.  These beloved ladies lost their lives to horrific crimes, one to Sexual Assault, and the other to Domestic Violence.   In honor of them, we vowed to keep their memories alive by educating, and bringing awareness of Domestic Abuse to our communities.

Often, victims of Domestic Violence stay with their abusers, because they have nowhere else to go.  The money Two-Lifestyles obtains from this event shall be utilized to build Ashley’s Safe House, a house built in, Ashley’s honor to provide a place of refuge, a safe haven for those that are still in shackles seeking escape.  There is hope, there is tomorrow, and you do have a future.  Let us march together in unity!  Let your story inspire others!  Let our numbers instill courage!  Let your voice be heard, and remind others that they, too have a voice!  Will you join me?  Let us break the shackles of domestic abuse together my friends!

For more information on how to be a part of this amazing event, please contact my mentor, Adrianne by email at adrianne@twolifestyles.com, or call her at 661-402-3076 ext 102.  The two Lifestyles agency is located at 1224 E. Avenue S Ste. B Palmdale, California 93550.


https://www.facebook.com/events/1865681483473149

https://www.facebook.com/TwolifestylesInc/

 

 

Irreplaceable

Dear readers, as we embark upon this holiday of love, I wish to remind you of your true value.  As a society, we often tend to unfairly compare ourselves to others, amplifying their traits in which we most admire, whilst simultaneously diminishing the value of our own.  We make light of our own value, our own gifts, our own talents, and everything that makes us so wonderfully unique.  We tend to place those we admire on pedestals, unaware that what we see is, but a grandiose mirage.  We take not into account that those very individuals in which we make our comparisons, too have flaws, that they are also imperfect beings.

Dear friends, I wish to share with you a secret: Someone in which you are currently unaware is comparing their self to YOU, right now, at this very moment!  We spend our entire lives longing to be someone else, yet we never quite realize that there is also someone that so desperately wishes to embody everything that we, ourselves are…  That girl with the body that you long for, she envies you for your ability to make friends.  That strait A student, envies you for your laid back persona.  That artistic friend that you wish to be like, wishes she could be an athlete just like you.  That classmate that is gifted with playing an instrument, longs for your singing voice.   The list goes on, and on…  Someone, somewhere, wishes to be  JUST LIKE YOU!

It is perfectly alright to admire others, but let us not permit our admiration to cloud our perception of our own self worth!  There is not a single person on this planet that ever lived, currently lives, or shall ever live, that embodies everything in which you are; all of your quirks, your talents, your gifts, your very persona, the very being in which you are is a one of a kind!  There shall never be another YOU!  You a so beautifully, and wonderfully unique!  I wish to convey to you just how amazing you actually are.  You are deeply loved, a true treasure.   I assure you that you are needed by so many, that you are indeed valuable, a priceless gem.  You inspire countless individuals on a daily basis that you are not even aware of!  There is, and only shall ever be, one you  You are irreplaceable!

The Lasting Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

Image Source

Dear readers, I wish to discuss with you a topic of dire importance today.  Our children are society’s most vulnerable citizens, their very survival depending solely on us, their parents.  Our children rely on us to provide them with the tools they need to grow into thriving young adults.  Ultimately, the environment we subject our children to can impact them drastically well into adulthood, and continue to do so throughout their entire lives.  I cannot stress this enough.

Children exposed to domestic violence in their households exhibit the same pattern of brain activity as soldiers exposed to combat.  Children who live in households where domestic violence occurs tend to feel isolated, and vulnerable.  They witness horrific events that no child should ever see, and hear things no child should ever hear.  They live in a domestic warzone, being exposed to  bloodshed, rage, trauma, and terror on a daily basis.  What should be a place of refuge is a living nightmare that they, themselves, are powerless to escape.

Studies relay that approximately 3-4 million children between the ages of 3-17 are at risk of exposure to domestic violence annually.  Common behavioral responses in children that witness domestic violence include acting out, emotional withdrawal, and anxiety.  They may exhibit developmental delays in speech, as well as delays in motor, and cognitive skill development.  Children that live in domestic violent households are at substantial risk of being abused as well.  Abusers  will begin targeting the children as a means to control, and hurt the other spouse.  This dance for power and control is deadly, with approximately 1,500 women being murdered by their significant other each year.   Girls that witness domestic violence in the home are at high risk of choosing abusive partners when they enter adulthood.  Likewise, boys that witness domestic violence are more likely to become abusers themselves, thus, continuing the vicious cycle into the next generation.

Dear friends, our children are our greatest treasure; they are priceless!  The choices we make as parents today pave the road that our children shall travel tomorrow.  The environment we subject our children to is the very foundation of the future that awaits them.  Domestic violence is a cycle; it is up to us to break this cycle!  Every child deserves a champion, a hero, a protector.  Our children need us to step up to the plate, and be the champion that they seek.  Let us raise strong, confident children that believe they can take on the world!  Let us raise independent, self efficient young adults that need not recover from their childhoods!  Let us weave a brighter tomorrow for our children, a tomorrow that is free from the shackles of domestic violence!


You Hold the Pen

Image Source

Dear readers, as we enter a shining new year, I wish to offer you some words of encouragement.  How often do we, as a society, permit the judgements of others to affect our choices?  How often do we conform our dreams to fit the expectations of those we hold most dear?  How often do we allow the perceived limitations bestowed upon us to ensnare our psyche?  How often do we allow said perceived limitations to become reality, denying ourselves the very opportunity to reach our full potential?  For how long shall we continue to hide our true light from the world?

Dear friends, I wish to remind you today that YOU are the author of your own life!  For far, too long, we have unwittingly permitted the world around us to handle our pen, and write in our Life’s Book.  The time is now, to reclaim your pen!  Dare to dream!  Dare to write the story so many have long deemed to be impossible!  You hold the pen; you hold the power.  You, and only you, are the author of your life.  Happy New Year, my friends.  I believe in you.  May your dreams come true!

 

Re-blog: Kiss From Death — A Thomas Point of View

He appears before you when you least expect it. The embodiment of your heart’s deepest longings, you are enchanted. Like a Siren luring her victim with her song, so too are you caught within Death’s grasp. You greedily drink his words from his goblet, so tender and sweet. Enthralled by his promise to fill the void, you are intoxicated […]

via Kiss From Death — A Thomas Point of View

Crushing Labels

Dear readers, I invite and encourage you to participate in an eye opening activity with me.  You will need two sheets of paper, and a pen for said activity.  Take the first sheet of paper, and place it in front of you; tuck the second sheet away to the side for the time being.  Now, take your pen, and write a list of every label anyone has ever bestowed upon you.  Every crass judgement, every name, every anticipation of failure, every single perceived limitation anyone has ever verbally thrown your way, write it.

Once finished, take the list of labels into your hands, hold it out in front of you, and close your eyes.  Permit the mental images to enter your mind, and all of the painful memories associated with each label written upon the paper in which you currently hold.  For a mere moment, let them awash you.  Now, open your eyes and crush them!  Crumple the paper, and discard it into the trash bin.

Take the second sheet of paper, and your pen in your hand.  You are now going to write another list.  In this list, I want you to write all of your goals, your dreams, your favorite personal traits, and every personal achievement in which you are proud of.  Every single solitary one, write them down.

Once finished, take your new list into your hands, just as you have done with your first list prior; hold it out in front of you, and close your eyes.  I want you to imagine, imagine yourself doing what so many have long perceived for you to be impossible.  Visualize yourself, as if on a track field riddled with intimidating hurdles blocking your path to victory; imagine as you conquer each hurdle with leaps and bounds.  Imagine your very own personal wishing star glowing as a beacon in a pitch black night sky; visualize yourself standing boldly with your arm held outstretched, claiming what is yours.  Imagine your light within your lantern enshrouded by a dark cloak, your light hidden from the world around you; visualize yourself, as you remove said cloak, and forever discard it.  Now, open your eyes once more, and see your true self, the labels forever destroyed.  For you, and only you, hold the power over your life.

 

 

%d bloggers like this: